And the beach.

"Lets go to the beach, boys."

That was Jaffer. He was down from Lahore, on a short-break from his chic university. He loved the beach. Like the rest of the 14 million entertainment-starved denizens of Karachi. He was fortunate enough to have the means to enjoy the beach, unlike the majority.

"Chal, La-Whori, we will show you Vadda Vadda Samandar....and Idda Sara Paani." said Saim.

"I'm a pure breed from Karachi. No paindoo blood in my veins." Jaffer clarified his geographical loyalties.

"But why the disdain? Did the Poonjabis fuck you over? I thought it was the Army that had to be held responsible for the prevalent ills," was Niazi's inevitable question.

Being a pathan is tough; being a pathan from Poonjab is even worse. Sharing your last name with a Major who surrendered 93,000 jawans of the Army to an Indian takes the cake; especially if you aren't related to the Major and cannot enjoy the liberties and perks that being related to Army folks entail. But Niazi no longer felt compelled to face the gauntlet. He had also learned the art of deceitful deviousness.

"Did you see the pictures in DAWN? Police, army and the paramilitary forces are taking over PTCL installations. Biddings on 16th June, I guess. Would the comrades be up in arms, then?" chuckled Chutto.

"I want to go to the fucking beach!" Jaffer wasn't amused.

"I want a younger queen so I can have a royal hard-on." Chutto chuckled yet again.

"Think before you speak. Look before you leap..." said Talha, in his feminine voice, but was interrupted, for good measure, by Jaffar.

"Fuck before you sleep........."

"Wastrels, if I can have your attention. We can consume our cancer sticks and satiate our desire for verbal diarrhoea on the way to the beach, too. How about we make a move. We might get something done." Ganja had common sense, afterall. "Everyone throw in the middle whatever he can. Your money will be used judiciously."

"Subtitles, please." And everyone laughed. Subtitles was a slur on all those who came through the matrik system and suffered from an inherent insecurity about their english. A gora-complex. The one that Rushdie talks about, too, rather eloquently.

"I don't want Desi Daruuu. I'm tired of Murree Brewey and QDL." Chaudhry wasn't a Poonjabi feudal, but he surely had expensive fancies.

"I'm not smoking rod either. Peshawari maal ho to baat banay. Thats the beauty of LUMS. There's good quality garda available at all times. Chanaisar sucks! And Bahadur, too." Jaffar was specific in his demands.

"You're more indecisive than a woman on PMS. I'm going online, fucktards. Tell me whatever is decided. And whenever." And Chaudry turned his back.

"You're a cunt, Chaudhry, you know that. You haven't contributed a dime."

"I contributed to your birth. Ask the midwife, son."

"And before this escalates into a fist-fight, I want to start taking bets." Yassir didn't like fighs. He was a pacifist.

"Fuck you, Gandhi kee dhoti kay moti."

"He was instrumental in getting us our freedom. And never before had the idea of non-violence been implemented at such a vast scale to obtain such massive results." Yassir was a fan of Gandhiji, too.

"You believe that non-violence was a matter of creed, rather than of policy, for Gandhi?" was Silent Bob's earnest question.

Yassir was silent for a while. He knew there were inconsistencies, at times. He didn't want to get into a debate at such an odd hour, either. He had just had a beautifully rolled Rizla and excruciating debates was the last thing on his mind. "There were inconsistencies, I accept. But you have to be a saint to raise your finger at such a figure. Lets ask Niazi. Pathans had a soft corner for Congress and Gandhi. Khudai Khidmatgars, afterall."

"The Pathans are a strangely stupid race. Neither can they manfully support a war, not can they live in peace like men." as Babar said and Jaffar quoted.

"And AQ Khan put paid to their hopes of ever being taken seriosuly." chimed in Chutto, who liked Dr Pervaiz Hoodhbhoy.

"Yes, I agree, Pathans are stupid in the case that they are fucking emotional. But would you not agree that they have done the job of being made the scapegoats more often than the Jews even. Look at Afghanistan. It has been bombed back to the stone ages because a Pathan refused to go agaisnt his code of hostpitality and it was used as a pretext. You guys blame the Afghanis along with Zia for introducing Karachi to the Klashinkov culture. For drugs, too, instead of showing gratitude. I wouldn't be surprised if it you guys claim that Eve was Pathan, too...." ranted Niazi, without losing his composure.

"If Adam were a khocha, there wouldn't be no humanity." Was Silent Bob's cryptic response. "Only homosexuality," the well-practiced joke.

"Our religion gives us the permission to kill you for your blaspemous comments."

"Not the balls." Silent Bob smirked.

"Lets go to Baba. Enough balls to kill Silent Bob over and over again."

"I thought we were going to the beach..." Jaffer winced.

"Saturday night, man. You won't be riding the waves anyway. You want to get drunk, right? That's possible within the confines of this room, too. We have enough money to get enough local whiskey to get us all drunk, and enough hash to get us all flying like a nauseated falcon. Whats the problem, then, whore?"

"You don't get it, do you? Its the fucking BEACH!" Jaffer was losing it.

"POOOOOOONJABI PAINDOOOO" was the combined response.

No deafening silence here. No political correctness.